I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
