There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
