I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize