I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
