Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
