I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
