the condom got lost in my hair
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
