Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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