so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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