I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
nutella sex= disaster
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
