i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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