I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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