You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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