Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
