If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
