If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
