It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize