return my video game
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
