That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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