doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I wear drunk well.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize