And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
