after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
