Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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