We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
