im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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