I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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