Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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