The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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