Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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