guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
