My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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