It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
