RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
