He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
