Me. At least after what I've been through.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
