Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
