yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
