There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
