did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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