Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
