I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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