Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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