The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's just like the Real World with babies
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
