HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize