the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
