if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
