Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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