how can u be prego again
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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