If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
