can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize