Don't you send me to vm
I cannot find my penis.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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