i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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