I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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