Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you never un-have a 4some
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
