if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
