I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
