Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
