You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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