Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
