She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
