the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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