She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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