I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
