Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
