like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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